used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He has the fingertips of a God
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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