I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
