how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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