theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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