i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
