Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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