Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
