god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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