Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize