The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
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Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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