I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
