I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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