just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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