She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
