How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize