Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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