note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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