Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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