i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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