He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
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Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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