Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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