dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
