that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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