I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
