i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize