We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
and you fell through a lawn chair
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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