doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
