So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
