I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
