be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
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nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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