honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
