I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have fence marks all over my body
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
