is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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