I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
