Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
