Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
