Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
