there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
