his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
