I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
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I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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