I want to stick my p in your. b.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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