Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
