You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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