So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
