Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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