I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
