Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
