do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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