I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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