Plan B is the new Plan A
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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