OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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