Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
