Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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