I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
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I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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