ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
