He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
