Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
