Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
