so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
