please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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