i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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