She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
